The Highway Hurricanes
— vs Glam Centurions in the cup final

A hyped-up Hurricanes squad arrived at Llanrumney to do battle with the Centurions in the inaugural FTL Cup Final. The Canes had stormed into the final without actually having to play a match thanks to opponents having cried off in the quarter and semi finals, so we were thankful to see the Centurions there – it would have been quite embarrassing to parade around the ground, showing off a non-existent trophy, without actually having played anyone.

There’d clearly been a mix up with the arrangements as there was no sign of the expected TV cameras – or even anyone from the press, while the crowd was disappointingly low for such a seismic encounter (just Jay and Nipper). Clearly somebody in the publicity department must have screwed up. However, Griff had entered into the spirit of the occasion turning up attired in a bizarre ‘ensemble’ that wouldn’t have looked out of place in Brideshead Revisited – all that was missing was a butterfly net to complete the effect. Jaffa had cried off with some feeble excuse, and Nathan turned up late with game already under way and the Canes with eleven men already on the field – meaning that for the first time in living memory the Canes took to the field ‘Nathanless’. It was a strange feeling. Will life ever be the same? Is the ‘Era of the Nathans’ over for good – to be supplanted by the ‘Coming of the Chris’s’.

The Centurions batted first and made a decent start before Super Sully weaved his magic and persuaded the one opener of offer up a catch that was safely pouched by COB. However, this brought Bromiley to the crease, who looks a very good batsman and was soon smiting the ball lustily to all parts of the ground – including a mighty 6 back over the head of hat-trick man Clive, who’s unaccustomed to such treatment. The Centurions were cantering along at a rollicking rate at this stage, though the Canes were saved from further carnage by the FTL rules which obliged him to retire when he reached 30. Thank goodness for the man who thought up that rule. However, the scoreboard continued to tick over, despite an excellent spell from Jim (just 2 runs conceded off 2 overs) and a brilliant run-out from Chris Angle who hit the stumps direct from thrid man. The tension of the occasion was clearly getting to Griff as, to settle his nerves, Captain Imperturbable had to call for a can of Strongbow to go with the fag that he was smoking at mid off. It’s tough at the top. I apologise for any inaccuracies or omissions in this report, but I’m relying on memory as Griff nicked the scorebook to pore over in the pub afterwards. However, I believe the Centurions finished on 111 off their 18 overs – a healthy and challenging total.

Now some say that Greg is too old and overweight to make a top class sportsman, and that Dave is yesterday’s man – his talent fatally undermined by his boozy playboy lifestyle. But Griff isn’t a man to be swayed by opinions of others, and he backed his judgment by selecting them to open the Canes reply – and how right he was as they got us going with an excellent stand of 40 odd before Dave perished and Greg had to retire on reaching 30. However, the required run rate was still taxing – with batting (and also fielding no doubt) getting more difficult in the fading light. Chris Angle and Imran hit out briefly before perishing while Lewis hit a 4 and a 2 before being given out lbw off his third ball by umpire Griff. Lewis wasn’t impressed with the decision claiming a ‘massive inside edge’ – a claim backed up by the rest of the (entirely unbiased) troops who had all apparently seen it clearly from the boundary through the gloom. It seems that Griff may indeed have ‘done a Jaffa’. It’ll be interesting to see what Mr Jeffries has to say on the matter after the stick he took from Griff last week?

By this time the Canes on the boundary were approaching an unhealthy state of fervour and anxiety. With the Centurions bowling well and fielding like tigers, every shot was being greeted with hysterical shouts of ‘run it hard’ ‘look for two’ or ‘back up you fool’. Cool heads were called for but even Mr Evans, after a scrambled single off a Sully shot that travelled all of 10 feet, was screaming ‘two – two’. He later admitted that hadn’t been able to see where the ball had gone, but from the sound of the ball on bat ‘it just sounded like a two’? The growing panic from the boundary seemed to infect the batsmen who were now running for everything. Inevitably perhaps this saw wickets start to tumble. Jim was unlucky with one that kept low – but I think there were at least 4 run-outs. The last of these was Clive during the penulimate over from the returning fast bowler Phillips – who must have been very difficult to play in the gathering darkness. This brought last man COB to middle with 2 still needed to win. Nobody could breathe – and you could hear a pin drop as the bowler ran in. ‘Thack’ – it’s through the covers, the batsmen are scampering, it’s all over – the Canes have won. Ecstatic scenes as his team-mates run up to cover Chris with kisses – but then think better of it. There’s even a tear in Nipper’s eye at his son and heir’s moment of glory – or was it because someone kicked over his last can of Bow in the excitement? Oh man, this feels good. Grrrrrrrr! Tear me off another chunk of that raw meat. Find me another ass to kick.

The Canes pose proudly with the non-existent trophy as Griff astounds everyone by producing a can of something fizzy from somewhere, and then proceeds to spray everyone with it. However, the lap of honour has to be abandoned after we fail to find two volunteers to carry Griff shoulder-high in triumph (well – he’s a big lad). Congratulations to the Centurions for their part in a most enjoyable and exciting evening – played throughout in an excellent spirit. If every game was like this the FTL would be playing to packed houses the length and breadth of Blackweir. Hopefully the celebrations didn’t carry on for too long into the night as we have date with those dastardly Cavaliers tonight.

Man of the Match is a tough one as everyone contributed – but I believe the verdict of the club elders was that it should go to Greg for his excellent batting at the start of the innings.

— Danny