Despite a blizard of e-mails throughout the day the Canes struggled to raise a side for this game against the Mitres – though we were finally able to field a full eleven thanks to Jeremy’s mate Paul stepping into the breech along with a volunteer from the Mitres.
A variety of excuses had been offered – most of them just about reasonable, though Clive’s claim that he had a touch of the sniffles (man flu my a**e!) was especially disappointing. He was put to shame by another member of the team (who through a natural sense of modesty wishes to remain nameless) who, although he’d become infected by the very same bug via Clive’s earlier e-mail, bravely – nay heroically – stepped up to the plate to do his duty despite his suffering. Hang your head in shame Mr Campbell.
When that same anonymous hero was then ordered by Captain Griff to open the batting did he hestitate for one moment, or whimper and beg to be put down the order? Well yes as it happens – but Griff insisted. Did he do a double take and start shaking in his boots when the opening bowler turned out to be none than Ireland and Scarlets legend Simon Easterby? Again yes – but again he did his duty. Despite his part in the unfortunate run-out of Imran (sorry Im) I – or rather he – proceeded to play a sparkling array of shots that delighted (or rather astonished) the crowd before departing for a near career-best 20.
Mr Stagg followed soon after in possibly controversial circumstances. Regular readers will recall the Mitres’ dodgy umpire – the one with his own white coat who upset COB last year. Dave played and missed, and though there seemed to be a time delay before the bails parting company from the stumps (raising suspicions that the ball had actually rebounded off the keeper) he was on his way muttering under his breath – though thankfully he didn’t feel the need to ‘do a COB’. This brought together big-hitters Nathan and Lewis, and though they both eventually made 33, quite honestly it was tame fare compared to the earlier efforts of the anonymous hero (modesty can be a curse at times) – tippy tap stuff in comparison you might even say (don’t say it – it’s gone to my head I know).
With 12 overs gone, just 3 wickets down and the score already approaching 100, a very large score appeared likely – until a bowler by the name of Ragu entered the attack. Though he appeared un-threatening from his short gentle run-up his impact was devastating. After removing Lewis and Nathan he twice found himself on a hat trick. Mr Evans was sent in with instructions to swing from the hip but lasted only 3 balls before being bowled. Though this generated much mirth among the watching Canes that was as nothing compared to the sniggers that followed as Griff suffered the same fate off his first ball.
Now of course Griff was a fine player in his day but, well, time catches up with us all in the end I suppose – and no doubt there’ll be calls from the usual sources that it’s time he was put out to grass – or even sent to the knackers yard. These people are fools – pay no attention. They should consider the old saying that ‘class is permanent’. Mind you so is lack of it I suppose – so I’m not quite sure where I’m going with this. Forget I even mentioned it.
Anyway Ragu finished up with the astonishing figures of 7 for 10 off 3 overs – but not before an exciting little cameo from Paul who smashed 11 off 6 balls on his debut before beingcaught on the boundary by the afore-mentioned Simon Easterby. The Canes finished on 128 all out off 18 overs. A decent total then – but we know how strong the Mitres batting can be and the score was soon mounting at an alarming rate. A break-through was clearly essential if the Canes were to harbour hopes of victory. Captain Griff gazed around at the impressive array of strike-bowling options available to him, before giving the nod to ………. Dave?
At this point my heart sank. The Canes are in big trouble here I thought to myself. I also found myself reflecting on just how Griff has come to acquire his reputation as a tactical genius.
But then what do I know? Not a lot it would seem – because Mr Stagg produced a mighty impressive couple of overs – absolutely on the button, troubling both the batsmen, and unlucky not to get a wicket with one edge evading my sweaty grasp (don’t tell Jim). Though Lewis struck to bowl the one opener that was the extent of the Canes’ success as the batsmen smashed the bowling all over the park, with Mitres cantering home to win by 9 wickets. All in all a comprehensive whuppin’.
To finish (and I take absolutely no pleasure in this – honest) I feel duty-bound to record that Griff followed his earlier golden duck with the quite disastrous bowling figures of 0 for 28 of his 2 overs. Maybe the knackers yard is the best option after all?
Man of Match – Nathan and Lewis jointly top-scored with 33 each, and Lewis got the only wicket. But I think I’ll go for Paul on his debut for his rapid-fire batting and enthusiastic contribution in the field. Has another Canes star been born?
— Danny